His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
