do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
