Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
