Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
