Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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