I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
