i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
