I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
