Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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