She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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