saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
