Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
