I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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