And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
