Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
