could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
