i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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