Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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