i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
