in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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