You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
