Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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