you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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