We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
