I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
