so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
