dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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