Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
