i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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