READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
