He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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