I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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