Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
