I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
