a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
