Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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