I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
