i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let's get the cat blown out
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
