no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
