3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
