How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
