Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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