then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
