i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
