I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
