The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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