Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
