Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
