I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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