Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
